A Recap and Update: The Story Continues

It’s strange to be writing again with any kind of regularity… and currently, that means I feel successful if I get two articles typed in a week.  For the record... I’ve been behind even in that. Not a proud fact, but true. But it feels like stretching…

Writing… It feels like giving people hope.  It feels like purpose… and walking in the identity of who the Creator designed me to be.

I’ve watched the Lord move over our home in an incredible way over the past year.  I’ve seen Him restore the prophetic dry bones of Ezekiel 37 in my own marriage... I may have been quiet, but the restoration is so palpable... Those who know Kerry and I well can attest to the changes that have taken place. It's a total rewiring of everything we've known.

Our lives have been changed because we serve an INCREDIBLY patient God who allowed us to come to the edge of ourselves... And still kept us... Still cared... Still mended.

Through the years, our Creator has allowed us to be cared for and held and walk beside other couples who have struggled... and overcome hardship. Those friendships were a balm to wounds they may never have known we carried. I am forever grateful. Within the past few months, Kerry and I have had the honor of meeting and beginning to walk beside some patient friends and warriors for the Kingdom who loved us enough to sit down with us and talk through and pray through some difficult spiritual issues that we have been facing. We want to share some of that as we go along... Because we are realizing more and more that when it comes to healthy wisdom and advice for believing couples... It takes transparency... Not pretending and whitewashing and giving cliche' answers.

There were a lot of times since Kerry’s back injury 12 years ago that I tried to write from a place of hope… but I feel like in so many areas I fell short. I was attempting to encourage from a place of desire to see the hand of the Lord move… but the reality was that my life began to look more and more like that valley of dry bones. 

Our circumstances were such a distraction at times… that I became so busy doing something... ANYTHING to keep our family afloat financially that I stopped writing. Writing was the one thing I KNEW I was supposed to be doing. Writing was the one tether to be able to extend encouragement while keeping myself sane... But my brain felt like it was on fire... and I just... Couldn't.

Then somewhere along the line I stopped creating new pieces of art… Here and there a commission… Here and there a few pieces with a new medium I may have wanted to try… but slowly…. I just stopped creating because I was so busy trying to juggle everything and simply survive. I thought for sure that opening the Frame Shop and being able to have a studio and Kerry working alongside would be incredible.... But even in that, there were some unexpected blockades, coupled with our communication issues and countless battles with depression. Between those and the economy of 2020 shooting the cost of supplies through the roof... We made the decision to close the Frame Shop. I held on to some of the supplies, but sold off the equipment and placed the rest into storage. I felt like the dream of teaching in my own studio was dead. Another seeming failure.

Every loss added to the feeling of worthlessness that grew inside my chest... What is this all for? What's the point? The spiritual attacks that hit our marriage and our family were like a train moving across the mid-west plains… Fast. Unmerciful.  Deadly.  Our kids were growing up in a house where we were trying our best to model love of the Father and love for our fellow man... but the truth is that living in survival mode does psychological damage.

They saw... They witnessed. They saw our faith... but they also saw the exhaustion and tears. God forgive me for the anxiety they experienced as the waters got higher and I felt more and more trapped. And as much as I adore my husband… I didn’t know if our marriage would survive some of the storms we walked through. Note that this post is not doom and gloom, but a reflection of the truth we walked out. He and I had quiet discussions of, "The stress is too great, and I don't want to live like this anymore. Would it be better if we separated? Would we be better apart? What we are doing is not working... We cannot continue this way forever... What are we doing???"

Hear me... I'm not an advocate for divorce... Not at all. We found hope in solid counseling and therapy... In deep prayer and self reflection. (A counselor who prays first and also bows a knee to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob is an INCREDIBLE resource!)

And Kerry and I both believe that honesty about these issues is the ONLY way forward. We know so many who are struggling, but don't know how to ask for help. If other believers who have survived the storms of marriage were to chime in.... We've found that MANY have had these same conversations... And we've known MANY who found a deeper connection with the Father first... and restoration in their marriage following total surrender. It can and does happen. And a lot of times, it's messy. But the reward is GREAT. Please know that NOW.... I can say that we’ve successfully weathered some of these storms in a way that can ONLY be attributed to the Lord. I’m certain Kerry can say the same (we've actually discussed this very post in depth… Because we’ve learned… and are continuing to learn how to talk about these issues… without defensiveness… without shame… acknowledging what we each lack… and attempting to show grace in those moments.)

I’m seeing the Father heal hurts and wounds that I never even felt worthy of asking Him about. In August of last year, we made the decision to sell our home of 15 years and move where the Lord led. We decided to rent for one year to give the dust time to settle before we made any permanent decisions about our future going forward. Kerry is now working a full time job for first time since he blew his back 12 years ago... Full stop. THAT'S MASSIVE. All praise and glory to the Father!

Restoration after 12 years seems so significant. It was April 28th of 2014 that our lives changed forever... Seeing the Father restore my husband's identity has been one of the most difficult... and most fulfilling things I've ever witnessed. Learning to trust Kerry as I'm watching him heal and trust the Father to provide and shoulder the financial weight of our family again.... Has been life changing.

And it's in this… that I feel an incredibly strong nudge to finally share some of the things that have been placed on my heart.  I need to be writing more.  And I need to begin to finally organize the business end of things so that I can be less chaotic. 

Transparency… I have always struggled with numbers and business concepts. I can write... I can encourage... I can speak... I can teach... But I have never had any formal training in numbers. I get overwhelmed. I do have artwork that I'll happily barter at the moment, but I believe that I’d like to have a business plan that includes a budget for a business manager at some point.   I'm humbly asking my community.... If you have any contacts or recognize the potential that we’re trying to realize, please send myself or Kerry a private message.  

And if you have no contacts in this realm… We’re asking for your prayers.  Those are invaluable. Those prayers have kept us when we didn’t know how that could happen.  Those prayers were the sanity in storms you may not have known we were facing. And the fruit of those prayers is a marriage that is healing... and lives that now can produce peace in others when their lives are upside down.  It’s amazing to be able to connect with other humans on that level….Real raw honesty.  No self protection.  Just the love of the One who created us all. 

I’ve started a website to promote some learning materials that I’ve begun writing. It started as a compilation of lesson plans I wrote when I was working with Shabbat school as an arts and crafts teacher through the years. They are short lessons currently geared to ages 7-9. I’d LIKE to come back and write for older and younger kids each at some point, but I’m currently desiring to do one lesson for each of the 52 Torah parshas of the year. I need to complete those first... then expand.  Each lesson is a small snippit from a weekly portion of the first 5 books of the Bible. The lessons encourage discussion and come with a few interactive worksheets for kids as well as basic coloring pages.

On the website, I also thought that it was fun to create some merchandise that is print-on-demand for the Messianic crowd.  The boys jumped in to help create some of the items. It's fun to see their imaginations work! The print-on-demand route is a way to generate a very small profit margin while supplying small encouraging gifts and artwork.  I just desire to bless others and bring a little light into a very dark world. The bulk of the cost goes to the companies that produce and our family sees 10% of the profits from anything ordered.

My goal is to write not just these lessons, but I'm also compelled to be creating a follow up to my first published book, “I’m Tired & I Need a Nap”. That book hit the shelves 10 years ago! And truthfully... I still can’t believe it.  The sequel will be a look back on what I would tell that tired momma now.  Oh if I knew then what I know now!!! 

The practical side of our lives is that in order for me to have the ability to breathe deeply enough to focus and create content,  I am fighting to get out of the “fight or flight” mode that has become my constant companion from years of survival. I'm still selling real estate as life allows. And Kerry is working to provide as the Lord sustains and allows, and I need to actually let you guys see some of the artwork that I’ve slowly begun creating again.  I’ve also been finding older pieces that I never got around to framing. I'll offer them as well.

People have asked how they can help us. Prayer is where it starts. And this website is a good place too.

If any of the items I post would be a good gift to encourage someone you know… or give you a boost at your desk space… Please purchase. 

I’ll post things on my website and also on my social media pages as I can.  I won’t have a ton of time to do intricate commission work right now, but perhaps in the future. (I'm currently attempting to finish commissions I've taken on through the years)   The pdf lessons will slowly continue to grow with my library.  If you know of any families that may benefit from a curriculum that encourages a little deeper discussion about the Father… please share.  It could be homeschool…. Sunday school….. Shabbat school…  It’s about glorifying the Father with what we’ve been given.  We want to share our story... His love, His hope. 

From the bottom of my heart and from our whole family.... THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! (please note that I'll be available for messages and such during the week... but I will be offline from Friday afternoon- Saturday to honor my Father and my convictions to rest on the 7th day. So if there's a delay in response, please show me the same grace I promise to show you!)

Much Love, Heather